Tree (story edition)

people call me "tree" because im good to describe the tree. I always draw tree in right side as my trademark on my painting.
i had 5 times in relationship. there is a man i really love. but i never can say to him. he is not handsome, cute body just ordinary man.
he care to other people, i like him really like him. he so innocent, natural, independent, smart and strong.

the reasons why i dont wanna have a date with him because......
i think he too ordinary so he is not suitable with me
im afraid... if we r together all the nice things will be gone
im afraid if so many gossip wil hurt him...
i think he is "my best friend"
i will have him without limit... have not to give him all

he know i have fair will others and i made him so sad for 3 years.
when i kiss my second love and he saw us, he just smile with red point "just continue it" he said. and then he left us. and next days his eyes swelled dan red.
i knew it but i dont wanna ask him what happen. so we laughing together and joking whole day in thats room. and suddenly i have to go to get something left. and i saw him crying in the corner he dint know im back already. almost one hour i saw him cry there.

my 4th lover dont like him... and they had cold war, just silence each other. i know its not his personality to start "cold war" but i still with my lover. i screamed to him and he so shock and sad and i dont wanna to think what he thinks. my love and me just left him there...

next day we stil laugh and joke together like nothing happen before. i know he so sad and dissappointed but he dunno that i also hurt as he has.
i also sad

when i have a lover for 5th. i asked him to go out. after have a date wholeday i said to him that i wanna say something to him and he said also that he wanna say something to me.

i told him that i broke with my lover. and he said he just starting to build up a relationship with someone else. and i knew it. I cant saw to him how hurt i am. i just smile and say congratulation's.

when i got home, my heart more hurt and i cant hold it. its like a big stone in my chest and i cant breath and i wanna scream as loud as i can but i cant.

suddenly my tears came out because of him and i dunno that... i often saw him sad and cry because i dont give him attention.

suddenly my mobile ringing ... there are 10 sms just arrive. all message sent 10 days ago and then i more cry and sad...

the mesage said " leaf fly because wind blow or because tree not hold it to ask him to stay"